... and a Tonka car carrier truck.
Let's face it. Christmas is for kids and wow, if you were anything like me, as a youngster you'd be beside yourself right about now with The Big Day less than a week away.
The tree is up, some of the presents are already under it and you can tell there are more to come because the extra special ones you had on your list (that you delivered to your parents ages ago and have badgered them over ever since) aren't there yet, and you know that because the shapes of the ones under the tree at the moment don't match the things you've asked for. And it's almost too terrible to imagine a Christmas morning without those extra special presents waiting for you.
In this picture - yes that is me, aged about five or six - I am sitting under the tree with a truck. This would probably have been one of our last Seattle, Washington Christmases before we jumped on the ship and immigrated to New Zealand.
I am missing some front teeth but they were hardly a Christmas priority.
Apparently I absolutely coveted this car carrying vehicle. I wanted it more than anything. It came with one white car and two pick up trucks, red and blue, that you could drive up a yellow ramp and into the truck. And this truck was built, man ... that's when Tonka toys were made of real metal, not plastic. This thing went the distance. It came to New Zealand with us when we moved here, and my best friend Milton who lived up the road from us in Murray's Bay called it the 'Big Bad Harley Truck'.
In future years I was desperate to receive various things in accordance with my age at the time: new outfits for my Barbie and Ken dolls (sent to us from America - even more fabulous!), my first guitar (which for obvious reasons was hidden carefully until Christmas morning), an Osmiroid fountain pen, and a copy of Carole King's album Tapestry.
When I was young I thought I would always want presents at Christmas. I simply could not imagine the day without ripping into wrappings and pulling out something stunning and wonderful that I could play with immediately, eat straight away, or put on a shelf and stare at in wonder.
These days though it's heart warming and such fun to see other children carrying on the wonderful festive traditions we enjoyed as kids.
In the few years prior to Mom's death, she and I had a special tradition, our 'Christmas nip' and I looked forward to that more than anything.
We'd get up Christmas morning, open up the gifts, then Mom and I would repair to the kitchen, take out the bottle of fine single malt whiskey (Glenmorangie was usually on hand, Mom's favourite) and pour ourselves a short nip. We'd clink glasses, toast each other, the holiday, and the year that had been, down our shot, and begin preparing our Christmas Bissell breakfast of sausages, toast, and eggs.
Mom is no longer here but I keep up the tradition of the Christmas nip.
I'm often alone on Christmas morning, heading out later to join in festivities, and I take that quiet moment when the day is still and young to pour myself a shot, go outside on the deck, enjoy the view and raise my glass to the heavens in a toast to my Mom.
Isabel Allende is one of my favourite writers. In November she was given yet another award, honoured by America's National Book Foundation for her distinguished contribution to American letters, the first such award given to a Spanish-language writer.
Allende gave an acceptance speech for her award and mentioned how being 'chronically uprooted' has inspired her creativity. Themes of 'nostalgia, loss and separation' can be found in all of her books and also define her writing process: 'As a stranger ... I observe and listen carefully. I ask questions and I question everything. For my writing, I don't need to invent much; I look around and take notes. I'm a collector of experiences.'
I kept a 'writer's notebook' for years. It went with me everywhere and I scratched down things that I saw or heard. I didn't use most of the stuff I wrote down but some I did.
When I was working as a courier in Atlanta, Georgia, I sometimes had to run out of town and up into the northern part of the state to places like Calhoun and Rome. I passed lots of billboards along the side of the country roads. One in particular stayed with me and went into my notebook: God recycles junk souls. I used it as the title of a short story.
Even though I was very young when we left the USA to move to New Zealand, I do remember some of of our life in the 60s over there: watching American Bandstand with Dick Clark on TV, rock n'roll music, going to the drive-in movies. And those memories generate some of that nostalgia Allende refers to. I wasn't 'chronically uprooted' as she was, but I was uprooted at a young age from everything I knew and all that was normal to me, put on a ship for a voyage across the Pacific, and then placed in an alien environment where even the flushing of the frightening 'thunderbox' toilet scared me to death.
This uprooting made me an observer at the age of 8. I'd always had a tendency to be shy and quiet, and when we came to New Zealand, things were so different, the children I met so unusual with their funny accents and marmite-white-bread sandwiches, I retreated. I sat, watched, said little, asked some questions, and learned how to fit in through careful observation. Of course they thought I was totally weird too with my funny accent and peanut butter and jam sandwiches.
When I return to the USA for visits, I'm hit with that sweet/sad feeling when I see something I remember from years ago: it might well be that old billboard, or the sight of our family home in Seahurst (Seattle) where we lived (the house looks different now but there's enough left to inspire memory) and walk down the street of that old neighbourhood.
The sense of nostalgia that often comes with childhood memories, of loss and separation, made more profound if that childhood had a dislocation or major change, a move from one country to another for whatever reason, can be a powerful source of emotion for our stories. Childhood memories are often fragmentary, wispy sensations lingering in the background, snippets of things said or done.
So keep a notebook. Jot them down as they come to you. Use them as the basis for your life stories.
And I don't mean gun triggers.
I mean those everyday things that can trigger a memory, a sensation, an emotion. These triggers can be the true stuff of life writing.
Take this morning. I brew up the coffee and put some bread in the toaster. The toast pops out and as I am buttering it, I remember my secondary school English teacher.
I didn't like English when I was at school. Even though this teacher was one of the best I've ever had the good fortune to know, I didn't really like going to her classroom. It wasn't her, it was the subject.
However I've always considered her to be one of my mentors, someone who had a keen interest in my writing and took the time to actively support and encourage me. Indeed her interest in my writing continued after I left school, and goes on to this day along with a firm friendship we have enjoyed for so many years.
So what does all this have to do with a piece of toast?
Many years ago now, my teacher and her husband were packing up their house to move away. In a case of bad timing, she broke her arm or wrist, I can't remember which, was in a cast and so couldn't do a whole lot of packing. I came over one day to help. When it was time for lunch, we downed tools and prepared some soup and toast.
As I was buttering her pieces of toast, she said, watching me closely, 'Butter it right to the very edges.'
Every morning, I butter the toast to the very edges so even the crusts are included.
I could write a whole lot more about this very special teacher who invested so much of her kindness, patience, and energy into my writing at a time when it was so needed - and all it takes is a piece of toast and a spread of butter to get me thinking about those memories.
Have a look around you right now. Are there some objects that trigger a memory for you? Perhaps it's the scent from a vase of flowers on the dining table that takes you back to a soft, shimmering summer day, or an expensive writing pen that your Dad gave you when you were 21 (remember how special that was because he so rarely gave you anything?), or something as simple as the way sunlight glints off a wave in the bay, reminding you of a sailing adventure on a small boat with someone you really didn't like too much.
Be open to triggers, be watchful, be observant, jot the thoughts down in your notebook for later when you're looking for something to write about.
Writing can be joyous, momentous, creatively satisfying when it's going well ... but when it isn't, finding words can be impossible and the blank computer screen can be a vision from hell and the stuff of nightmares.
There is of course the old 'writer's block' where you just can't get to first base with anything; it's like a creative constipation. Nothing is moving and you need some kind of 'laxative for creative people' - hey, there's an idea! I can see that on the retail shelves already.
Then there are the times when I'm doing OK with my creative work but then 'life gets in the way' and something major happens. Maybe old Miss Betsy-cat gets worryingly sick, the plumbing goes bung or I'm unwell, then I develop a one-track focus. I give all of my attention to the problem and I cannot do any writing. I've always been like that. I don't multi-task too well.
When this happens, I have to take time out. I take my lead from Betsy. She just lies down in the sun.
With a 'writer's block situation' I have some tools I use to get started again but when there's a life issue, I have learned to ease up on the laxatives and just stop.
It took me a long time to convince myself that this was OK because I always believed I should be able to write, no matter what else was going on in my life. That is still mostly true because if we let life overtake us we would never write a word. But when there is a life event that requires my focus to really be there, right with it, then I stop and that is OK.
When the going gets tough, the tough sack out.
It's OK to to take time out. If you can't write because your emotions and concern are elsewhere, do whatever you need to do to take it easy ... and give yourself permission.
I am jolly lucky because I can sit out on the deck and look at the sea or the trees and the birds and I feel surrounded by friends and comfort. And always remember that tomorrow is another day.
You can try again.
Do you remember the first time you rode a bike?
I was about ten. Mom had a bike that she'd brought over from the USA when we immigrated to New Zealand. It was black with two large wire baskets hooked onto the back of the frame, deep enough for all your shopping.
Dad was building a sailboat in the garage at the time. He'd done that before in the garage of our house in Seattle. That sailboat was about 23 feet long and it was called Nameless. Unfortunately the New Zealand version was never completed but I used it's skeleton to help me learn to ride.
The wooden ribs of the boat were laid out in the garage. I'd get on the bike and propel myself from rib to rib, trying to balance in between. Eventually I could ride past two ribs, then three, and finally I could truck along without having to prop myself up.
I had my fair share of tragedies on that bicycle, including a very notable occasion when I was showing off, as one does, had to brake suddenly, and the bike came right out from under me and I ended up on my bottom holding the bike up in front of me.
Mom always said, 'Once you learn to ride, you never forget' and that's true. I still have a bike and can hop on and off and ride around quite happily. It's a lifetime skill.
Writing is a bit like learning to ride. You start off small, trying to get your balance, learn the nuts and bolts of staying on and staying upright, using props and whatever else you need to make headway. You acquire the skill and of course, practice is the key - keep going until you find your momentum.
Sometimes it's tough, like riding up a steep hill when the going is slow (even with gears), the exertion intense, until you get to the top and you can take a deep breath and appreciate your accomplishment. And then there are the times when you fall off, have a 'crash up' as we used to say when we were 10-year olds wheeling around; the wheels well and truly come off the writing caravan.
But writing can be a delight, an enjoyment right up there with cycling along on a balmy spring day with the scent of new flowers and the warmth of sunshine on your arms. Writing is a journey, an excursion, a time of discovery.
And of course, as my Mom used to say about so many things, 'It's just like riding a bike - you never forget how' - writing is like that. It can be a lifelong companion, a solace, a joy, a way to communicate your vision and what life is like in your world.
I've written before about how much I enjoy horror movies - I was raised on them. My sister and I were loaded into the back of the car in our pyjamas and driven by our parents to the drive in movies where, more often than not, there was a double-horror-something.
And, as you can see in the ad opposite, my parents were probably attracted by the $1/carload 'family night'. Nothing better for us kids than a night on 'Hell's Island' and getting to know the 'Creature with the Atom Brain.'
If you're wanting to write in the genre, 'read lots of it' and get a feel for how these stories are put together and what makes a good one great. And there are so many classics you can read, apart from Stephen King - take the tales of H.P. Lovecraft, Joyce Carol Oates, and 'The Monkey's Paw' an 18th century gem from William Wymark Jacobs (I saw an old black and white movie of this as a child and it scared me so badly I still remember it).
How do you come up with ideas?
Make a list of what scares you. Objects? Animals? Places? And remember, we are hard-wired to fear the dark, an instinct that goes back to our caveman days when a campfire at night was light and safety. Anything outside of the realm of firelight was too dangerous and frightening to contemplate.
So what scares me? Crickets. Not the little ones but those large black shiny ones that can leap and scuttle and seem to be able to fly. So, OK, if I was locked into a dark room full of black crickets, that to me is a horror show. This is a very simplistic example but it's taking an ordinary person (me), confronted with her worst fear (crickets) in a situation where every instinct is on high alert (darkness).
Then throw in a 'what if?' What if, while I'm battling crickets in the dark, I sense that there is something else in there with me .... what if I hear shuffling in the corner of the dark room, a hissing or heavy breathing ...
OK - you get the picture. Have a go. Scare me.
What is it about horror?
We kinda know that monsters aren't real (although walking up the stairs to my house late at night, through the bush, I am absolutely 100% certain there is 'something' lurking just beyond the weak illumination my flashlight provides and I think that by walking with purpose, head down, straight ahead, I will deter it from attacking me) and yet after reading a cracking good horror or ghost story, or watching something spooky on TV, we find ourselves double checking the locks and looking under the bed before we hop in.
It's Halloween month and so thoughts naturally turn towards the genre. Writing something that is really scary is not easy and this common advice applies to all who wish to write it: read lots in the genre and learn from the greats like Stephen King, Clive Barker and Anne Rice but more than that, write stories that have meaning for you, think about the things that scare you - tap into your fears because by golly, what scares you probably scares the bejesus out of someone else too.
Stephen King says there are three types of terror:
"The Gross-out: the sight of a severed head tumbling down a flight of stairs, it's when the lights go out and something green and slimy splatters against your arm.
"The Horror: the unnatural, spiders the size of bears, the dead waking up and walking around, it's when the lights go out and something with claws grabs you by the arm.
"And the last and worse one: Terror, when you come home and notice everything you own had been taken away and replaced by an exact substitute. It's when the lights go out and you feel something behind you, you hear it, you feel its breath against your ear, but when you turn around, there's nothing there...”
My personal favourite is the last one, the terror, where the ordinary everyday suddenly becomes the bizzarre, the terrifying, the absolute unknown-stalker-thing-in-the-dark. To me that's the worst and I think King is a real pro at this - turning clowns into monsters, populating a seemingly normal town with vampires, trapping a woman in a car at the mercy of a nutty dog ... and using ordinary people going about their normal daily business adds to the terror of it because we begin to see that the line between everyday life and the unmentionable horror is very fine indeed.
And remember, a little gem from Neil Gaiman - and this applies to whatever you are writing. Read lots and learn from others but remember to "... start telling stories that only you can tell, because there will always be better writers than you, there will always be smarter writers than you ... but you are the only you."
So you may think there is nothing new you can do in the horror genre ... of course there is. You're unique .. your monsters will be too.
A friend of mine had a stressful job for years and said she could only relax by setting up a lounge chair in her back yard on a sunny day and watching the laundry flapping and waving on the line.
I asked her if she had a gin and tonic alongside and she said no, she didn't, it was something about the movement of the clothes drying on the line, the sunshine on her face, and being on a patch of green (a small patch as she lived in the city) that did the trick for her.
My friend added that watching the washing inspired her with ideas for her job at the time, but when she retired, she carried on the laundry- watching to gain inspiration for her romance novels.
How do you get your inspiration for writing? Where does it come from?
Some writers have a 'muse' - a person, animal, object that inspires them. My cat Betsy would like to think she is my muse but unfortunately not. Author Tom Robbins does have one and he says, "I show up in my writing room at approximately 10 A.M. every morning without fail. Sometimes my muse sees fit to join me there and sometimes she doesn't, but she always knows where I'll be. She doesn't need to go hunting in the taverns or on the beach or drag the boulevard looking for me."
Sometimes inspiration to write comes from the simplest of things - perhaps a whiff of perfume as you pass someone on the street, the way the light shimmers on ripples of water at the lake, the taste of chocolate cake and whipped cream ...
Or watching the laundry flap in the breeze.
And there are those days when the muse, or the inspiration, doesn't appear for us. Then it's just a hard slog to get your words done for the day. But as Tom says, at least the muse, or the inspirational beings, know where you are. They don't need to go looking.
They'll find you.
Writing can be opportunistic.
If we're short of time, we grab an opportunity to write when we can - on the bus to work, at the kitchen table after the kids have been dropped at school.
Sometimes we submit a piece of writing to a magazine editor and they say, 'Great, I'll take it!'
We've made our approach at the right time, taking advantage of a window of opportunity before it closes.
And if you're a self employed writer, you're always looking for opportunities to get your writing out there, ways to make some money, become better known, get famous etc etc. You know.
And that can be difficult, a challenge, it goes against the grain because a lot of us writers aren't very entrepreneurial, we haven't worked in the field of PR so we don't know the ropes, and promoting ourselves just doesn't come easily. We'd rather be writing.
If you're well established, you can leave all that promotion stuff to someone else, like an agent or manager. Sigh .... maybe someday.
My attention has been caught recently by a real opportunist, a little creature that sees a chance, and takes it without care for the repercussions, mindful only of what this opportunity can provide for her.
Every time I open the garage door to get the car out, a little black cat rushes in. She goes straight to the woodpile stacked under the workbench and squeezes in way down the back where I cannot reach her. It's cozy back there, snug and dark. When I tell her she shouldn't be in my garage, she just looks at me with those bright, yellow eyes. That's all I see because she's black, and it's dark on top of the woodpile under the bench.
I open the roller door at different times each day and yet there she is, a little black ninja, prowling in the shadows, watching and waiting for the opportunity to make her mad dash for the security and comfort of her hiding place. I don't know where she comes from, or where she lives, but she is an opportunist, a stealthy, secretive watcher. She is sleek, well fed and beautiful, so she belongs to someone.
Before I knew what her deal was, I inadvertently locked her in overnight, twice. She didn't seem in the least bothered, in fact I think she enjoyed the chance for some uninterrupted hibernation. I can only imagine what her owners are thinking. Perhaps she is well known for such antics, and if she's missing a day or two, they think, 'Oh , she's shacked up again in someone's garage.'
Of course she lay up on the hood of the car, the heat from the engine making it a very comfortable perch indeed. Plenty of muddy paw prints to wash off.
So can we learn a lesson from this ninja cat?
Yes - stay vigilant, every day ... and when the door opens, rush in, look for your niche, get in there, hang out in it, even if you get stuck in there for a while, don't panic. Stay sleek and beautiful, and then leave your paw prints on the world for all to see.
It seems there is software for just about anything these days to help you write, punctuate, spell ... it can almost compose a book for you.
Where's the fun in that?
Actually, it's very fun. Yesterday I installed a voice recognition programme called Dragon. Ah, you've heard of it ? I also got a good headset with a very astute microphone that can pick up all the subtle nuances of my extraordinary speech and fabulous words.
Actually my speech and words pale in comparison to the Dragon. What a wonder of tehcnology it is and what jolly good fun! It's like having a little companion inside your computer, one that does what you tell it (I do like giving orders, I admit), comes up with quirky mis-spellings when it doesn't hear you properly, and best of all, you can train it to better recognise what you are saying.
There are very few things that I can boss around, even Betsy the cat makes a point of ignoring everything I ask her to do ("get down off the clean bedspread", "go outside", "eat your dinner"), so it's quite nice to have a silent subservient that does what I tell it, mostly.
It is a work in progress. Dragon and I are shaking each other down. It's learning my way of speaking, and I'm learning its techno approach to dictation and editing. It takes a while but we're going OK.
Why did I get this software? I usually resist these sorts of things, having been brought up in the old writing school of scribbling by hand or onto the computer and then editing and re-writing that way. Anything that might help me with that has usually been met with a scoff and a nose-in-the-air comment like 'There is absolutely no way I'd ever pay good money for any writing software!'
I'm getting old and therefore more practical. Typing for hours excites my arthritis so I have surrendered, given in to technological advancement, and I've done it quietly so that my friends don't now turn to me and say, 'But hey you said you'd never ever ...'
So shhh, don't tell them, we'll never hear the end of it - but I'll tell you on the quiet here, think about getting yourself a Dragon of your own. It's a worthy investment. It's fun having a little dragon-pet in the computer. It works really well, and does not breathe fire and bellow.
Maybe that's what will come next - a Dragon that will belch flames at you if you don't complete your word count target for the day.